I feel like I need a break from IVF
There comes a point in a long IVF journey where you may start to wonder if you need a break.
IVF begins with a focus on the medical side
The appointments. The scans. The medication and injections.
Doing everything you can to give yourself the best chance of success.
So it can come as a shock to discover just how much IVF impacts every part of your life.
Over time, that impact can start to build. And you may begin to feel like you need a break. Even though the thought of taking one feels frightening.
When it starts to feel like it’s becoming too much
There comes a point with IVF where it can start to feel overwhelming. Relentless. Physically and emotionally draining.
Your body might feel like bruised by it all.
Tired.
Worn down.
Like it has been through more than you ever imagined it would.
And you feel so tired from the emotion of it all.
Having to deal with an endless cycle of hope and disappointment has worn down your resilience.
Picking yourself up becomes harder and harder.
It can start to feel like there is nothing else in your life except for this.
And it becomes harder and harder to remember what life felt like before.
So you may wonder about taking a break.
Having some breathing space.
Taking a step back, to think about something else . To regroup.
To experience just being you again, for a little while, without all of this.
To reconnect with who you are. And see if that helps.
You might feel guilty for thinking about a break
You might feel guilty for even considering it.
As though taking a break means you are giving up. Or not trying hard enough.
You may worry that if you wanted a baby badly enough, you would simply keep going.
Keep pushing. Keep finding a way through. No matter what.
But IVF can be brutally exhausting.
Feeling overwhelmed by it does not mean you want a baby any less.
It does not mean you are weak.
And it does not mean you have failed.
It may simply mean you have been carrying a huge amount for a very long time.
The thought of taking a break may feel scary
The thought of taking even a short break, can often bring up lots of fears and concerns.
Worrying about your age and your eggs getting older.
Concern about slipping back into old lifestyle patterns that don’t benefit fertility and then having to make up time.
Fear of losing momentum.
Fear that if you stop, even briefly, you may never find the strength to start again.
Worrying about more time passing without being pregnant.
Being aware of the months and years passing you by and you still aren’t a mum.
There are so many ‘what ifs’
What if I take a break and I don’t feel able to go through it all again.
What if I don’t feel strong enough to put myself through it after I step away for a little while.
What if my partner enjoys life without the stress of IVF and decides they want us to stop permanently.
What if my clinic is encouraging me to keep trying, saying it’s just a matter of time and I need to keep up the momentum.
What if engaging with life again makes me realise just how much I have been missing out on and that makes things harder rather than easier.
What if I take a break and everybody around me seems to move on while I remain stuck exactly where I am.
And you might not trust your own decision making
After experiencing so much loss and uncertainty, and things feeling so out of your control around infertility and IVF - you may have lost trust in your own decision making abilities and your intuition about what is right.
It can be hard to trust your body.
Hard to trust your choices.
Especially when so many decisions along the way have felt impossible.
And so many things have been outside your control.
It can be hard to know what is the best thing to do, for yourself, for your relationship, and for your future family.
This can leave you feeling stuck and confused. But the pressure of the IVF journey and the impact it is having on you is continuing to build - and it’s becoming harder and harder to cope.
Having somewhere safe and supportive to share all of this can help.
IVF therapy may be helpful for you
Having somewhere to share all of these thoughts and feelings, and have them understood and validated as a normal part of this experience, can feel like such a relief for many women.
To be able to talk about the exhaustion. The pressure. The fears. The guilt. And all of the what ifs. And to say things out loud that you might not feel able to say anywhere else.
IVF therapy with someone who has been through infertility and IVF themselves can feel supportive in a way that talking to other people sometimes cannot.
I understand how difficult and complicated this decision can feel. And how frightening it can be to wonder whether carrying on immediately rather than taking a break, is what you need.
Together we can explore what feels right for you.
It may be that having somewhere to process everything that is happening helps relieve some of the pressure you are carrying, and you decide that continuing with treatment without pausing feels manageable - and right - after all.
Or you may decide that taking a break is what you need right now. If so, we can explore what that break might look like, what you hope to gain from it, and what feels important to maintain during that time.
One of the benefits of working with a therapist who has experienced infertility and IVF themselves is that I understand this dilemma personally as well as professionally.
I know how much can feel at stake. How loaded the decision can become with fear and uncertainty. And how difficult it can be to know what is right.
There is no right or wrong answer. The focus would be on helping work out what feels right for you at this particular time.
Beyond this, I can also help you as you continue to navigate your infertility and IVF journey, being a support and a sounding board, and a safe space to process all that you are going through on every level.
I’m Saff Mitten
I am a therapist who supports women with all aspects of the IVF and infertility journey.
I am passionate about this work because I have been through IVF and fertility issues myself, and I know how difficult it can be.
If you would like support, or just want to know more, please contact me. I offer a free no-pressure introductory chat.
My Professional Qualifications
MA, Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy
Pg. Dip, Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy
Dip, Integrative Counselling
More than a decade of experience working as a counsellor and psychotherapist
Professional Memberships
Registered Member, BACP and I abide by their code of ethics
Member, BICA
Miscarriage Association -
I am an approved therapist on their Counsellors Directory
You might also relate to these topics:
I feel like I’m losing myself during IVF
When an IVF cycle doesn’t work
I don’t know whether to continue with IVF
Find out more
If you want to learn more about me and why I focus my therapy work on supporting women with IVF, you can find out more here:
And if you want to learn more about how I can support you in therapy for IVF, please visit this page:
I also offer a free 15 minute introductory call if you would like to speak to me to find out if therapy might be right for you. You can book a call here:
Getting Support
Many women seek IVF counselling when they begin to wonder whether they can continue carrying the emotional weight of IVF without some breathing space.
I am a counsellor and psychotherapist who specialises in supporting women with all aspects of IVF and infertility.
Alongside my professional experience, this is something I’ve experienced personally. So I understand how difficult it can be when you have been on the IVF rollercoaster for a long time and it feels like it is the main thing - or the only thing in your life.
I offer online therapy across the UK. If you feel you could benefit from support, please contact me. I would like to help.