IVF Can Feel Even Harder During Summer Time
Summer isn't usually talked about as being a difficult time when you are going through infertility and IVF.
People expect Mother's Day, pregnancy announcements and baby showers to be painful.
But summer can be hard in a different way.
Everyone else seems to be getting on with life
People are making plans, booking holidays, meeting friends after work, enjoying the warmer evenings and filling their weekends with things to do.
Meanwhile, your life may have become consumed by IVF.
Instead of looking forward to the summer, you are thinking about medication, scans, blood tests and whether this cycle will work. You might not even feel able to book a holiday because everything depends on IVF, and so much of your money is being spent on treatment anyway.
Even meeting friends can be complicated
Perhaps you are avoiding alcohol because you are in treatment, or hoping to start another cycle soon. You worry someone will ask why you aren't drinking, or make that comment you've probably heard before:
"Ooh... are you pregnant?"
When you have been trying so hard to become pregnant, there are few questions that sting more.
Then there is social media
It can feel as though everyone is out living their lives while yours has become consumed by infertility.
Parents posting about their children. Friends sharing holiday photos. Pregnancy updates. Family days out.
Every time you open your phone, it can feel like another reminder of what you don't have.
Everyone is living life and you feel in limbo
One of the words I hear over and over again from women going through IVF is limbo.
You don't know whether to plan ahead.
You don't know whether to make commitments.
You don't know what next month will look like.
It can feel impossible to settle into the present when your mind is constantly pulled towards the next appointment, the next result or the next cycle.
One of the hardest parts of IVF is feeling as though everyone else is getting on with their life while yours has become completely consumed by treatment.
As a result, summer can feel very lonely
You aren’t lonely because the weather is different, but because the contrast between your life and everyone else’s feels so much greater. The gap between your experience and theirs suddenly seems impossible to ignore.
If summer is feeling harder than you expected, I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you.
As someone who has been through infertility and IVF myself, I know how isolating this time of year can feel. It can seem as though everyone else is embracing the season while you are simply trying to get through it.
You don't have to force yourself to enjoy it.
You don't have to pretend you are coping better than you are.
And you don't have to carry all of this on your own.
I’m Saff Mitten
I am a therapist who supports women with all aspects of the IVF and infertility journey.
I am passionate about this work because I have been through IVF and fertility issues myself, and I know how difficult it can be.
If you would like support, or just want to know more, please contact me. I offer a free no-pressure introductory chat.
My Professional Qualifications
MA, Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy
Pg. Dip, Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy
Dip, Integrative Counselling
And more than a decade of experience working as a counsellor and psychotherapist
Professional Memberships
Registered Member, BACP and I abide by their code of ethics
Member, BICA
Miscarriage Association -
I am an approved therapist on their Counsellors Directory
Getting Support
Therapy can give you a space where you can share your experience of summer feeling so hard and making you all the more aware of how different you feel to everyone else.
I am a counsellor and psychotherapist who specialises in supporting women with all aspects of IVF and infertility.
Alongside my professional experience, IVF and infertility is something I’ve experienced personally.
I had a long IVF and infertility journey and I know how hard summer time can be - particularly because it highlights how stuck you feel due to infertility and IVF, and how difficult it is to just live and enjoy life, compared with people around you.
I offer online therapy sessions across the UK. If you would like to talk and feel you could benefit from some support, please contact me.