My life feels on hold during IVF
When you start IVF it tends to become your main focus.
And a lot of normal life gets pushed aside.
Most people go into IVF wanting to give it their all, and so naturally other things become less of a priority to begin with.
You are probably ok with that, because you are doing this to achieve your dream of bec0ming a mum, and a bit of temporary sacrifice in other areas of life feels worth it.
When it starts to catch up with you
But as one cycle turns into another, and another, something often begins to shift.
What once felt manageable and short-term, starts stretching into something else.
At the start, you were so focused on achieving success with IVF, you had willingly put parts of your life on hold for a while.
Things like…
Weekends away.
Holidays.
Spontaneous plans.
Socialising after work.
Regular catch ups with friends.
Date nights.
Unscheduled intimacy.
Even career progression.
And other life plans.
But eventually, many women reach a point where the emotional cost of pausing so much of life starts catching up with them.
Suddenly, things don’t feel quite so temporary anymore.
Life feels on hold
One day you will probably come to realise -your life outside IVF is on hold, and it has been for a long time.
Suddenly, it feels like you are standing still, while everyone else around you is moving forwards.
Friends are getting on with things, starting a new chapter, a new phase of life, and you are stuck - in the middle of IVF and infertility.
That can be incredibly difficult, and painful to accept.
And this realisation can bring another layer of grief and uncertainty to an already difficult experience.
You may start to ask yourself:
When will this end?
How much am I giving up?
What if IVF doesn’t work?
Will all of this sacrifice have been for nothing?
If it doesn’t work, what will I be left with?
The reality of this can hit hard
It can bring up so many different emotions.
You might feel frustrated, and as though life is passing you by. You may be resentful toward the process, and how much it has taken from you. You might be feeling a lot of sadness and grief for all that you’ve been missing out on.
It can feel like you are stuck.
Not able to move forward.
But not able to stop either.
So you feel like you are just waiting… and trying to get through IVF successfully to start living again.
But you may be feeling less sure of the outcome than when you started.
And it can feel deeply unfair that something you want so much feels like it is forcing you to put so much else on hold.
With no guarantee it will work out.
How therapy can help
Having somewhere to bring these thoughts and feelings, to express them openly and be understood and supported by a therapist who has been through this herself, can feel really helpful.
Therapy can be a supportive space to explore…
- The impact IVF is having on your emotional wellbeing.
- What you feel you are missing out on, or have had to push to the side for IVF - and how this has impacted you.
- The parts of yourself that you feel you have lost or have disconnected from since starting IVF
- The grief, fear, frustration and other difficult feelings you may be experiencing.
- And the pressure of trying to keep functioning while you are grappling with so much.
In therapy we may also be able to look at ways for you to reconnect with aspects of your life that have been sacrificed during IVF.
We could look at small things you have been missing out on and see what it is like to reintroduce them - whether that feels helpful and possible alongside your continuing IVF journey.
When you have been on the IVF rollercoaster for a long time and it’s had such a big impact on your life, finding ways to create a bit more balance might help you to keep going.
But only if that feels achievable and doesn’t add more stress or pressure to an already difficult situation.
I’m Saff Mitten
I am a therapist who supports women with all aspects of the IVF and infertility journey.
I am passionate about this work because I have been through IVF and fertility issues myself, and I know how difficult it can be.
If you would like support, or just want to know more, please contact me. I offer a free no-pressure introductory chat.
My Professional Qualifications
MA, Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy
Pg. Dip, Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy
Dip, Integrative Counselling
And more than a decade of experience working as a counsellor and psychotherapist
Professional Memberships
Registered Member, BACP and I abide by their code of ethics
Member, BICA
Miscarriage Association -
I am an approved therapist on their Counsellors Directory
You might also relate to these topics:
I think I need a break from IVF
I feel like I’m losing myself during IVF
It’s getting hard to stay hopeful during IVF
Getting Support
I am a counsellor and psychotherapist who specialises in supporting women with all aspects of IVF and infertility.
Alongside my professional experience, this is something I’ve experienced personally. So I understand how difficult it can be - especially when life starts to feel like it is on hold.
I offer online therapy sessions across the UK. If you feel you could benefit from support, please contact me. I would like to help if I can.